To be a person, yet not to be seen.
To exist, yet pass by unnoticed.
How unfair!
In the episode Peg from the series Solos (Amazon Prime Video, 2021), Helen Mirren portrays a woman who has spent her entire life living in a world in which there was never any space for her. Present, yet invisible.
This feeling of invisibility leads her to the decision to enroll in a space program. If on Earth there is no space in which she can simply exist, perhaps she can find it in the vastness of space, a place that is hers, only hers, where she can finally be herself.
In the capsule, she is alone and talks to the spacecraft’s artificial intelligence. The AI doesn’t engage in conversation, doesn’t correct her, doesn’t judge. It just listens. And as she sits there, the feeling of invisibility, which has followed her throughout her life, once again comes to mind and she returns to a moment from everyday life on Earth, quite ordinary. Peg is riding the bus. life on Earth, quite ordinary. Peg takes the bus. The ride goes on, but the driver doesn’t notice her and drives her all the way to the end of the route, to the depot. Only then does he tell her that he didn’t see her, as if she were a ghost.
In that moment, Peg wants to say everything she carries within herself: that she has ideas, wit, rhythm in dance, a passion for the color of red roses, joy, vitality, intelligence, sensuality—that she is, simply, a person.
👉 Watch the video and the phenomenal Helen Mirren as Peg (double click)
In that scene lies the entire feeling of a life lived unnoticed. How unfair! To exist, yet pass through the world as if no one sees you. Peg doesn’t need words to explain who she is; it’s enough that she exists, yet the world still doesn’t notice.
When we learn that it’s safer to be invisible
This feeling of invisibility is not unique to Peg. Research on early attachment shows that no one comes into this world with the belief that it’s better to stay silent, to shrink, or to disappear (Bowlby, 1969). The mind, to to diminish or disappear (Bowlby, 1969). The mind, in order to protect us, remembers situations that hurt us and shapes internal rules, learned patterns that help us survive, even when it means suppressing our own needs, emotions, or voice or voice (Brown et al., 2017; Schore, 2001). This is how a survival strategy develops: shrink, stay unnoticed, to avoid pain or rejection.
In this context, messages like “don’t stand out,” “be quiet,” or “don’t be a bother” are not experienced merely as advice, but are internalized as survival rules.
Every child comes into the world with the same needs:
to be seen,
loved,
protected,
connected,
and valued.
When these needs are not met —not necessarily due to bad intentions, but perhaps because of emotional absence, overwhelm, or the inability of adults—the child adapts. Then the mind does what it was created to do—it protects us. It remembers the situation and creates a rule that will keep us away from anything that might hurt us again.
Perhaps you grew up with messages like:
• “Don’t stand out.”
• “Don’t ask for too much.”
• “You can’t have everything.”
• “Be humble.”
• “What will others say?”
Or every time you shone, you received the message that it was too much. To shrink. To pull back.
This is how an internal rule is created. Not as a conscious decision, but as a survival strategy. We learn to comfort ourselves in silence. We learn to swallow sadness before anyone sees it. We learn that it’s safer to be unnoticed.
And often beneath this lies fear: if I show too much, if I ask for too much, if I feel too much, I will be rejected.
Feel the power of change
Research on early attachment shows that no one comes into this world with the belief that it’s better to stay silent, to shrink, or to or to disappear from the edge of one’s own life. Such beliefs do not represent our identity; they are learned patterns, shaped through the experiences of relationships, especially in childhood (Bowlby, 1969).
They arose in moments when we needed them to stay safe and connected. But what was once protection often becomes a limitation, burden, or pain today.
If the mind could create a pattern that protected you, it can also transform it when it no longer serves. Thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain can reorganize itself when an old experience is given new meaning.
With Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT®) in healing hypnosis, you can:
bring to awareness the moments in the subconscious where these rules were formed
understand why they were needed then
release beliefs that no longer protect you
adopt new ones that serve you today
That it’s safe to be seen.
That you are enough worthy.
That your ideas and feelings have the right to exist.
If in these words you recognize yourself, perhaps this is a sign that it’s time to explore in a safe space where you learned to disappear and how you can return to yourself today. you can return to yourself today.
Not to become someone else, but to stop living by rules that were never the truth about you.
Because being a person and being seen has never been and will never be too much. It is your right!
References
• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment . PsycNET link
• Brown, R., et al. (2017). Childhood Emotional Neglect and Adult Well-Being. Frontiers in Psychology
• Schore, A. (2001). The effects of early relational trauma on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. PMC link
